Betrayal

I say this with tears...no, sobbing. I went to see a movie called The Family Stone with my mom last night. I was expecting a funny movie, stomach muscles and cheeks hurting from laughter, feel good kind of movie night. WARNING: for those that want to see it, stop reading unless you could care less about twists.

Well, as you are going along wondering what everyone's problem is, you find out that the mom is dying of breast cancer. At the end, you are left with her death and the family moving on. I shed a tear and thought I'd be on my way. My mom and I sat through the credits (as we always do), while she sings some old song I don't know but was apparently hugely popular in her day. I had a horrible thought racing through my head and I thought that if I didn't roll it off my tongue, I would burst. I started crying painfully, and as I tried to choke it out, the words wouldn't vocalize. I waited until I had some composure (my mom was waiting patiently also) and I finally squeaked out in sobs..."I'm glad it wasn't you."

There it was--betrayal. I felt relieved and guilty at the same time. By saying that, was I saying, "I'm glad it was my dad instead?" No. But it crossed my mind. It is a horrible thought to feel you favor one parent over another, or the thought that you could ever be thankful that it was one gone over the other. Well, I faced it. And there it is. I'm sad that it was him, but I'm equally glad it wasn't her.